Goal Progress - Loving and Letting Go

Caring about people is very important. It is important to have people in your life that you love. And I have a very loving heart. I often times care more than I should maybe. I have mentioned in other posts about letting go of people who pull me down. Getting rid of people who drain me and give nothing back. But, also as I have been saying in other posts, saying is not the same as doing. Breaking old habits is hard. But, with some help from my best friend, today, I took an important step. A hard one, but one that needed to be taken. Today, I took a stand and said no. I stood my ground. I changed a behavior. And it was very, very hard. But, I feel both good and sad about it. But, then, let me explain.

I have a person I have been friends with for a long time. He has many problems, one of which is drinking. I have been there for him. I have held his hand, I have cried with him, I have also enabled him. I have seen him through the good times and the bad.  I have helped him get sober, oh so many times, only to see him fall back off the wagon. I have listened to him talk for hours. I have tried and tried to give him the help he needed, encouraged him to get help from other places, given time, patience, love, and anything else he needed. When he would call in trouble, I would be there. When he would fall down, I would pick him back up. Well, you get the point. Anyway. So, I was always careful about certain things - my kids never saw him drunk. I never took my kids to his place. I never let him interfere with my children's lives. But, on the other hand, I did let him interfere with my marriage in some ways. There were many nights that my husband walked in the door from work, I would kiss him and run out the door to help this friend. There were many nights when we were both off, that I spent over at this friend's apartment trying to help. It took away from my marriage. So, when it got overwhelming, I finally had to step back. But, slowly, I let this friend back. But he was sober and doing well. I was proud of him. I was happy for him. I enjoyed talking with him again. Until today. Today, he called me. He was drunk. He was driving around. He wanted me to help him. I told him to find a motel, get a room, and when my husband came home I would come see him. He texted me, and called me, to make sure I would still come see him. I would. But, before my husband came home, my best friend came over. I told her what was going on. She pointed out that this was the same behavior I always did. I always ran when people called me. Nothing I could do for him would help him. He needs to stand on his own. He needs to get help. I can't help him. All I can do is enable him to stay the same. And by reacting the same way, I am staying the same too. I am allowing him to drain me.

So, I did it. I told him I wouldn't come. Even though he tried to make me feel guilty, to manipulate me, to pull me back in, I stood my ground. I didn't go. I told him that I wasn't going down that hole with him again. That I loved him, I would be there for him - but not to call me until he was sober. I would not do this any more. I do not need people in my life to drag me down. I need people who will lift me up. And while this may not seem like a big deal, it is. To me, it was a really, really hard, and important step. I stopped a behavior that is almost ingrained in me. And from here, there is nowhere to go but up. I accepted that I can still care - and still let go.