Goal Progress - Can You Hear Me Now!

Communication is key in life, with anyone. You have to communicate from the time you are a baby to let people know what you need. And developing good communication skills isn't easy. People see things differently, hear things differently, think differently. Men and women are very different - it's amazing we ever communicate anything to each other. I really am amazed at how many women are with guys, won't tell them what's going on in their heads, but expect them to be mind readers. But on the other hand, men have a variety of grunts they consider communication which we women are suppose to be able to determine if you are hungry, horny, listening, ignoring us, or simply burping. So, in other words, often like dealing with babies again. Just kidding. But yeah, we definitely have different ways of communicating. And communicating to teenagers, male or female, is like learning a new language. Then there are your co-workers, your boss, people in stores. It never ends. It is amazing we ever get anything done in life just trying to make everyone understand each other.

Now, I am a pretty good communicator. I know many of the tricks of the trade. I know about me statements, positive statements, avoiding accusations, staying focused, thinking before you speak. I actually use to teach women effective communication to help them get jobs. So yeah, I'm on it. But, and this is a big but, it's hard to use it in my own life. I am sometimes amazed at how poorly I can do with it. I struggle with things like telling people how I really feel. Telling people what I want. Telling people what I need. Yeah, so fail. I am also a people pleaser. I will say or do something because I think it will make other people happy - screw what I want.  This goes a long way towards building up anger and resentent. Ooooo the two biggies. Anger and Resentment. That's a deal breaker. That will kill any relationship. You let anger and resentment build up enough and all kinds of evils will happen. Heads will roll. And not always fairly. You let enough of it build up and you start letting all kinds of little, bitty, things bother you. You did NOT just look at me. Why are you always BREATHNG!! It's so annoying! Stop it. So yeah, when you are married, it's not always easy. Add to that mix in my life, where you are two ships passing in the night, and communication gets even harder. So, needless to say, but I'm going to say it anyway, when I decided to make all these changes in my life, it would have been nice to include my husband in many of these plans. Maybe asked him what he wanted? Maybe ask him where he wanted to go and do things? Mmmm, nope. Plow ahead and just expect him to get with the program. Or ELSE! Not very fair, is it? Well, that goes back to the point of women and men being very different. Why in the world couldn't he read my mind? Why couldn't he figure out I was done? Why couldn't he see that I was making changes for the better? Well, probably because I didn't talk to him much about it. Now, while I am shocked and amazed that he is not following my blog (isn't the whole world hanging on my every word?) there is not much I have said to him about this. So, where did this lead me? Let me tell you.

My husband and I view the world very differently. My husband is very.. unique. But, I love him and I married him. I took him for better or for worse. So, many of the issues we have, I have known about for a long time, but swallowed them instead of dealing with them. So, the other night, yeah, explosion. I yelled, which is not good, I accused, even worse. I pointed fingers, I laid blame, I used absolutely none of the communication skills I know how to use. I let the anger and resentment build up until I couldn't see straight. But, actually, that explosion acted as a catalyst. I now what I have to do. I have to talk to him. Get us both on the same page. Get us both pulling in the same direction. Heck, I'd settle for the same planet. But I have to do it in a calm, reasonable way. I can't shout it at him at the top of my lungs then march off to work feeling justified and angry. Not fair. So, working on a new project this weekend. Organizing what it is I want to say, how I want to say it and being fair. It's not nice to not play fair. So, we shall see how it goes. And if he doesn't want to play fair, I will take my marbles and go home.