Challenges - Saying NO, and Meaning It

I will be honest, I have a hard time saying no, to anyone, about most anything. Now, maybe it's not so hard with my 7 year old who wants cookies for breakfast, or my 15 year old who wants some equally ridiculous. But, other than that - yeah, hard time with it. I've always been that way, since I was a kid. I always wanted to do what everyone told me to do. I never wanted to upset anyone. Never wanted to let anyone down. Which can be a very difficult position to put yourself in. Saying yes to everyone often times puts me in a predicament of not enough time, not enough energy, not enough whatever. Be it in person, online, whatever it is. My inability to say no often leads me into situations where people get angry with me because I told them I would do something, and then couldn't do it. Which kind of defeats the purpose of saying yes to keep them from getting mad at me. Soooo, what is the solution to this? Easy, just say no. Um, well, yeah, and mean it.

I recently decided that part of this big change in my life would require me to say no to some people. It would require me to determine what I had time for, what I could accomplish, what my priorities are. Not as easy as I thought it would be. Every time I do say no, if the person pushes, I cave. Or, if I say no, I often go back in my head and start shuffling projects, shifting schedules, rethinking time tables. And so I end up figuring out a way to do it anyway because I feel BAD for saying no to someone. Where does this come from?? Why do I feel so bad saying no? Is it that same dark place that makes me feel guilty for wanting to take time for myself? I don't know, but wherever it comes from, it needs to go back there. Or better yet, move out. Same with the guilt - there is no place in my life for all this guilt. Pack your bags and head out of town. So, a good decision. Now, how to do it.

Well, this being a building process of change, yesterday I posted about how I made a schedule of every half hour of every day. It was pretty jam packed with stuff. But, there is some room for flexibility. And, there are a lot of things I can do at night when I am at work. My job, while rough in the hours I work, is a pretty easy job. So, the online things I do are often times done at work. But.. there is also a limit to that. I have found myself rushing through things online trying to get them all done, just like I do in life. But, I can look at each thing and determine its value to me. Is it something important to me? Is it something I enjoy doing? Is it something that is making a difference? Priorities are important. And learning to define the difference between needs and wants is important too.

So, the best answer I can come up with is to ask a simple question of myself.. What will happen if I don't do this? Will the world end? Will catastrophe occur? Will someone die? There will probably not be any deaths if I do not try the latest Facebook game someone wants me to join. The world economy will probably not crash if I don't go shopping with a friend. I seriously doubt that the world will end if I don't take this phone call. So, this question is going to become my best friend until I learn how to say no and mean it. Every time I start to falter and think maybe I can do this, after I have decided I can't - I will ask myself this. And unless it is something that is really a matter of life and death... I will probably be able to stand my ground on it. Maybe? Wish me luck.