There is something to be said for a routine. And in some ways, my life does have a routine. I like to call it a rut. I talked before about staying motivated. But it can really be hard to get out of rut. When something has become so ingrained in your life, and the people in your life, it's really hard to break out of it. I don't know if you have ever ran your car off the edge of the road, but if there is a edge to it, you can't just drift back onto the road, sometimes you have to really jerk the wheel to get off that rut on the side of the road. Since I have started this road to change, I have had far more success during the week than I have on weekends. Now, granted, this past week and weekend were a bit different because my older son, who lives with my parents, had to stay with us while my parents were out of time, which made things more chaotic than usual (if you can imagine). But, it's more than that, it's a combination of changes in plans, not being motivated enough, and the comfort zone of those around me wanting to keep things the same. Which, that kind of complacency can really be a killer.
You can convince yourself anything is acceptable if you have lived with it long enough. People who are in abusive situations do this all the time - they think this is normal, acceptable, and almost that they deserve it in some cases. Now, I am not in an abusive situation. At all. But, I am unhappy with the way things are in my life. My life as it is, isn't healthy, happy, balanced, or good. Yet, sometimes it is so easy to convince myself that' it's not that bad. Because sometimes it is much easier to make excuses and not work for change than it is to realize how bad things are and bust your ass to change them. So, as my weekend spiraled out of control with a blend of running everywhere, dealing with issues, lack of sleep, and just letting things slide, I kind of sat back and said, well, maybe I'm not meant to change. Maybe this is my lot in life. Maybe things are meant to be this way. But, after the weekend was over, I came here to work tonight and started thinking about it. I was like NO! This isn't how life is suppose to be. This isn't how it's going to stay. I DO need to make changes. I DO need to stick to my guns and fight for the things I want and need in my life. So, sigh, I didn't do what I needed to do this weekend. I didn't stick to my guns. Instead I allowed the chaos to swallow me up again. But, I will start over. Tomorrow is a new day, a new chance to change. Maybe I need to go and rework my weekend schedule. Maybe I am still trying to cram pack too many things into my time. I know that constantly expecting too much of yourself is just setting yourself up for failure. And constantly failing creates a situation where you never want to try because you feel like you can't succeed. Baby steps. That's what it takes... baby steps. With rewards for every success you do have. Today, I am going to succeed in something. Anything on my list. And, get some sleep.
We are creatures of habit; your 'rut' is just the old habits. In my life I have noted that the first 2 weeks of any change is critical, after that the new way is becoming my habit. Sometimes it is easier to change just one thing, then focus on the next, and other times it is best to just make all the changes at once and really buckle down for a couple of weeks. You decide.
ReplyDeleteGo easy on yourself, though. Change is hard enough without you piling self-criticism onto the pile. It is OK that everything doesn't happen at once, and even on a day that leaves you disappointed be sure to hold whatever image of your goal you have in your mind at the end of the day. Be sure that you can feel it, that it is absolutely real. Hold it until you feel happy and certain.
"Never give up, never surrender."
-- Galaxy Quest ;-P