Goal Progress - Ignore it - It will go away

I always loved little kids when they cover their eyes and believe that since they can't see you, that you can't see them. Cover your eyes and you become invisible. I built an entire philosophy of life on this belief. Close my eyes and ignore it and it will go away. It works wonders for all kinds of things. Bills, medical problems, people, stress, all go away if you ignore them long enough. Right? See, here is my standard of operation when confronted with something that I don't have an answer to - go to bed. If it's still there when I wake up - ignore it. If it calls my phone - don't answer. If it sends me a letter in the mail, put it in a pile and ignore it. If it hurts, ignore it. If it doesn't kill me - it will go away. Easy peasey. Okay, so maybe it isn't the best solution to life, but I have done it so long, avoided so much, that it is hard to turn around and face the music. There have been various times in my life where I have put my foot down. I have determined that it was time to get my duckies in a row. I have gotten myself back on track. I have dealt with all that needs dealt with. But somehow, I keep returning to this policy of ignore it and it will go away. Now, granted, it's not always things that I can do something about. But even the thought of opening all the cans of worms can be terrifying. Now, maybe I'm the only one who is afraid to deal with things. Maybe everyone else doesn't quake at the thought of dealing with bill collectors, or doctors, or bosses. But me, I just cover my eyes and turn invisible. Let me give you some examples. My health. There have been very few time in my life when I actually had health insurance. I've not had jobs that offered it, or I couldn't afford it, or whatever. But, my idea is - if you are not dead, it will go away. There have been a few times when I couldn't ignore it any longer, and ended up in the ER. But, everything else just got better. Or fell apart and I learned to live with it. I only consider it serious enough to be dealt with if it is bad enough to go to the hospital for. Bills are another biggie that I have a hard time dealing with. I know there isn't enough money to pay them all, so don't look at the bank account, don't answer the phone when they call, don't open the bills they mail me. Why? So I can know just how broke I am? So I can tell them I have no money to give them? Now, granted, some of them do things like cut off our power, our gas, or try to repossess our car. So, yeah, those you put off to the very last minute and then scramble desperately to stop that from happening. Now, don't get me wrong - we do pay our bills monthly. It's not like I completely ignore reality. But, when you fall behind and there is no money to catch up, you start robbing Peter to pay Paul and determine who you are going to ignore this month. I know, I know, I know, it is better if you call them and tell them that you can't pay them this month and make arrangements to make up what you owe next month or whatever. But that would seriously break my rule of ignoring them. Right now I am struggling to get all my student loans into deferment. My husband's old loans, which we ignored, finally garnished his wages. But, I am trying to keep that from happening to mine. But it's a nightmare So, I'm trying hard not to crawl into my safe, little shell and ignore it. It's not going to go away. I know it's not going to go away. None of it is. I know that in order to get my duckies in a row, I'm going to have to deal with all of them. All of it - life, health, bills, everything. Sigh, I miss my shell. It's so much easier to ignore it. All I can do is deal with things one at a time. I am not the first person to ever struggle. I am not the only person to ever fall behind. But just as I have taken steps to stand up for myself and learn to say no - I also have to learn how to stand up and be proactive in life - not just ignore it until it goes away.