Thoughts - Birthday Thoughts

So today is my 44th birthday. Not a major benchmark in life - but still another year older. Not that I'm a big one for watching my age. Other than those milestones that everyone watches for - 16, 18, 21. I seem to recall having a bit of a moment of panic when I hit 30. That just seemed like a wow moment. I don't recall thinking that I wouldn't make it to 30, but then I also never thought what it would like to be 30 either. 30 seemed so old. Now that I'm in my 40s, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. Age seems to be this thing that kind of creeps up on me and smacks me in the head once in awhile where I go "Wow, am I really that old?"  I don't feel that old. I was talking to my mom the other day and she was telling me she is almost 70. Holy cow - 70. Now that seems old. Isn't it funny. When you are young, 30 seems old. Then 40. And so on. Older seems so much older until you get there. But now, 70 seems old. I guess what it boils down to is I don't feel 44. I don't feel all that different from when I was 30. Or 20 for that matter. Sure, there are more aches and pains. There are times when I feel 100. And other times when I feel (and act) like a kid. So I guess the old saying is true that you are only as old as you think you are.

So, it's the end of May. I've been working on these changes for about 5 months now. You may be asking how it is going so far. And that would be a fair question. It's one that I am thinking about today. How is it going so far? Well, in my opinion - pretty good. There have been some awesome changes. Some small changes. Some setbacks. A whole lot of learning. I've learned about myself, the people in my life, and the people I don't want in my life. I've re-evaluated my goals, sent new ones, and realized that some of the goals weren't as important. It's kind of like an onion, with layers underneath. As I change one thing, it has a chain reaction to it. It affects not only me, but the people around me. Self-realization has abounded these last 5 months. I have come to grips with many things about myself. I have also had a lot of acceptance. I have realized that for a long time I did felt like my life was out of my control. Now I realize that much of it is within my power to change. By grabbing onto the steering wheel, I am no longer letting other people push me all over the road. And if I do run off the road, most often it's my own fault - like it or not. It's hard sometimes to take that responsibility. It is so much easier to say it's not your fault - it's because of your boss, or the other idiot on the road, or something that someone else did. But ultimately it is not anyone's fault but mine.

So, what's the next step, boss? Well, now that you've asked - I'll tell you. I am going to keep both hands firmly on the steering wheel and see where it takes us. My next step is to look at my goals, break them down  into steps (in a cool spreadsheet of course - I love spreadsheets) and more important - I'm giving deadlines. I think I am ready for the pressure of a time line. It's important to learn how to walk before you run. But now that I'm walking, it's time to step it up. Put a little pressure on. By breaking things into manageable steps, and giving each step a deadline, I will feel more incentive. Especially after I post it here for the whole world to see. At least for the 6 people who read my blog anyway. But that's enough - even if no one read this, it would still be enough to have it out there. Sometimes just saying something out loud to yourself is enough to make it more real. So, today - I'm going to enjoy my birthday, relax and do some fun things. Then tomorrow - back to work. So stay tuned, avid readers, for my next blog post - where I break it down and start the timer. For now, I'm going to go blow out the candles.