What? Me Worry?

I am a worrier. I worry about everything, most of the time. I worry about me, my family, the bills, my job, the world, politics, the environment, my car, and on and on and on. Now, I know that worrying about things is not good for me. Stress, blood pressure, and all kinds of other things happen when you worry too much. Letting go, relaxing, and not worrying are much healthier and productive. But, I do, I struggle with it. And recently, that worry hit a high pitch. It seemed like an ocean of waves kept hitting me. Every time I would wrap my mind around everything happening, we would get hit by something else. A couple of weeks ago, I started to seriously wonder if we would be able to steer clear of everything - bills, problems, jobs, kids, car, money. And they weren't small problems. They were big ones, with no clear answer. I spent an entire weekend on my panic meds trying to get a grip. But yet people seemed to keep looking to me for answers. What should we do? What are we going to do? Where are we going to live? How are we going to handle all this? I didn't have any answers, and I was worried. Beyond worried, I was losing my grip. So, after that weekend, I took an honest look at things. Obviously I couldn't go on the way we were going on. I couldn't spend the next, oh say, 10 years on my panic meds. I couldn't solve all the problems in a day. I couldn't even figure out what we were going to have for dinner. It had to stop. Not the problems, they won't go away simply by me deciding that I didn't want to deal with them. But, what could stop was my way of dealing with them. I couldn't worry any more.

There are those who believe in God and can turn it over to him. In fact, I attended a Christian church at one time that had this wooden cross. And by the wooden cross were a hammer, some nails, and slips of paper. When you had a problem you couldn't deal with, you wrote it down on the slip of paper and nailed it to the cross "turning it over to God" and letting it go. Yeah, not so much for me. I'm a bit more of a control freak. Also, I honestly don't believe that simply nailing it to a cross is going to do much for us. But, I did have to let it go. I did have to stop running in circles like Henny Penny. I needed to go back to the baby steps. So, I looked at all the things we needed to deal with and prioritized them. By immediate needs, by time frame, by necessity. And as each one comes up, I am dealing with it. If it isn't next, I am not worrying about it. It doesn't mean I don't think about it at all. But man, that list was so long, and I was going over it in my head again and again. And it was a circle of madness. Who wouldn't feel overwhelmed? but nope, not doing it anymore. One thing at a time. I am one person, I will deal with it as it happens. And amazingly, the stress levels dropped greatly. I got my grip back.

So, a couple of days later, my husband starts asking, what are we going to do about (blank). So I said "I don't know". He looked at me and asked me again. I answered him again "I don't know". Then I asked him "So what are we going to do about (blank)?"  He looked confused. He answered me "I don't know".  I laughed and said - then what makes you think I have any answers? If you have no clue, why should I? He stopped asking. Although I do have to keep him on track with which issue we are dealing with. He keeps wanting to jump ahead, push to deal with more, but I stop him. If he wants to go in circles and worry, let him. Me, I'm not stressing it. Things will work out. Not sure how, not sure when, but they will work out. Sometimes, the less we plan, the better things are. And it sure is a heck of a lot less stressful. Bad things are going to happen. And sometimes lots of bad things happen all at once. We can't stop that. We can't stop life from kicking us in the ass. But, we can choose how we deal with it.